As demand to Hell roars back due to the Anti Vaxxers, airlines are struggling to meet these bookings. Former President Andrew Johnson, now CEO of Andrew Johnson’s Guided Tour Of Hell, states “I have never been so overbooked; now I have to cancel bookings and I absolutely refuse to increase pay to people that without me wouldn’t have had a job in the first place.” Asked then what Johnson would do to meet demands he suggested firing people to increase profitability. 

However, the delays may also stem from the obvious: they don’t want to go the hell.  Al Qaeda, currently in a lawsuit against false Imams about deceptive recruitment practices, will “simply have none of it.” Spokesperson 1 commented, “We didn’t blow ourselves to then be told there wouldn’t be any Virgins.” Another Spokesperson interjected to elaborate, “And of course more importantly though we were told we would be going to Heaven.” Spokesperson 1 concurred, and continued, “The Hell destination was not on the brochure, but the virgins are also equally important. We really wanted virgins – any women really, but I hear the opposite.” 

We didn’t blow ourselves to then be told there wouldn’t be any Virgins

Al Qaeda Spokesperson
Recruitment Brochure Evidence In Lawsuit

We followed up with the “blowing ourselves” statement. Did you really think that blowing yourselves as you put it would have granted you a stay in heaven and multiple encounters with women? “Yes; we were told specifically if we blow ourselves we would achieve these goals.” How often were people blowing themselves. “Quite often I believe; 3 to 4 times a day. It takes planning. We would say our goodbyes to our families, telling them they should not cry but be proud, and then off we were to blow ourselves.  It was emotional and stressful, but when left with nothing, blowing ourselves is the only option. Now we demand our flights be rerouted to Heaven. It’s not our fault, it’s the corporations’ fault that tell us what to do, what to to buy, how to think.” And how can you blame them, with a promise of 72 virgins and Heaven; which though begs the question: what do women who blow themselves get? Spokesperson 1 pondered. “We will ask the Imams.” 


What do women who blow themselves get?


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